Lunch Date

A little bit just going through the motions, I had a lunch date with RuPing, a very nice person from China.  We met at Olive Garden, her choice.  Time flew, she had a accent that made it hard to understand at time, but she was gentle and warm.  She...

Status of Life

Need to get busy planning and executing wife's celebration.  Makes me sad so I am avoiding. Angel and I have found a happy place even though apart. Went to lunch with a lady called RuPing.  Enjoyed. Still want to get to know Michelle from...

Getting Drunk too Often

 Got drunk with some young girls in the neighborhood last night, early 20's.   I stopped and said hi, then they offered me a beer and many hours later we were really drunk.   I went and got my daughter, her boyfriend, and his sister to join us.  Then...

Angel

Yes, I am still in love with Angel.   And eventually I believe we will spend a few years together.  But, I love her enough that I want her to go down the road that is best for her.   Really.   Yea, there is some pain when I lose faith and think I will...

Julie's Obiturary

Just tried to call this into the paper .. apparently I have to wait until Monday .. I should have already done this, but I have found doing it very painful.  Just proof reading the document is almost more than I can do.  Julie's Obituary.  ...

Bungalow Dreams

 I have a dream(s) that kept me going through my wife's suffering.  I call it my Bungalow dream.  It is about downsizing and simplifying my life, where I can have more moments of joy and pleasure in each day and less struggle.  It means giving up a...

short gasps of air

 Julie is still breathing this morning ... short gasps of air as if you were going to dive underwater, but only seconds apart.   And then she will stop breathing for five or ten seconds and then resume gasping. And we say we live in a civilized...

Julie Still Struggles

 It has been about a week since Julie had food or drink.   I wake each morning dreading to go downstairs.  I am afraid she will still be struggling, I am afraid she will be dead. I wake off and on during the night, sometimes I find the...

Julie Struggling to Breath

 Julie started having problems breathing last night.  Laying on her back she tried to cry out several times around 11 pm.  I ran downstairs, Olesia was already beside her asking me to do something.   We raised the bed up and put the oxygen machine on....

Funeral Homes

 Well, got information coming from the cremation place. Also visiting two funeral homes tomorrow ....  Wife barely drinking anything, semi-conscious a few hours a day.   The worse is over, she does not seem to be in pain anymore. ...

Michelle from Tennis

 I spent nearly two hours today talking to Michelle that works the front desk at my tennis club.  I spent about a half hour on the phone, maybe less, and then after my tennis match, I talked with her for about an hour and a half.    I really like...

Saturday Morning with Wife

 I'm better this morning and Julie is having a relatively good day.  She was responded to one question, "are your eyes hurting" and she said "yes".   That's it.  She ate almost one small package of oatmeal for breakfast and a half of a turkey sandwich...

Alone with Wife

 Friday night.  Alone with wife.  She ate a little.  Drank very little.  Could not get her to swallow her pills.  Forced them into her mouth then tried dilute cranberry juice, then apple sauce.  Her pill came back with the applesauce three times....

Julie Caretaker Report

 Julie, my wife, is at a point that in any civilized society they would give her a shot and put her to sleep.  Her life as become one of pain management.  Morphine works, it puts her to sleep letting her escape the pain.   Open sores are on her...

Angel Update

 We both have tried to move on with very little success.   I am more or less protected by the pain of my wife being on her death bed.   It tears me up to see her suffering.  When she has enough morphine to kill the pain, it puts her to sleep or in a...

Poems My Wife Wrote After My Affair

 My wife is on her death bed, ran across these poems today looking for the email addresses of some of her friends.  I figured out her password by going through the names of our cats that we have had and loved over the years.  Second cat, I figured it...

Supper ... Wine and Women

 The last two nights I have had a bottle of wine with the neighbor that lives behind me .. we are good friends ..  She downloads.  Last night at least we didn't cry together. Tonight, another lady, divorced is bringing Julie and I food and then...

Pain Management

 Bad day.  Julie is in pain but won't take a pain pill.  I push it through her clinched teeth and then Olesia drains a straw full of water into her mouth until we force her to swallow. Her will says no IV's for hydration. Problems first...

Odds of Being a Great Writer

Realistically, I don't think there is a chance in hell that Angel is going to leave her hubby.  I also think there is very little chance I will find someone else of her quality the rest of my life.   If this means my love life is over, it is not...

Ashton, an Upset Large Jack Russell

 Ashton, our JR, has been taking Julie's illness very seriously.  He watches all procedures and you have to talk to him before he will let you do anything with Julie.  I say," I am not going to hurt mom, I am going to help her" and he will reluctantly...

Sliding Sideways

 Now the pain as sure as the rain when the smell is in the air floating in my ether after our goodbye. Sliding sideways in life making no progress working hard to not drift out to sea in deep water far from shore. ...

Peggy and Julie

 Peggy my neighbor came over to sit with Julie for awhile.  She broke down crying and Olesia comforted her.  She then sat with Julie while I took Olesia to work ... she crashed her car, another story. I came back and I talked with Peggy.  Peggy...

Julie Caretaker Report ... edited

Laura, Julie's sister, is leaving today after a week's visit.   Her visit enabled me to replenish the coffers some on a business trip out west.  And she let me get an emotional recharge with a week off from most of the duties and three days on my trip....