Desire

Desire is a strange beast. Who you desire and why you desire them almost defies rational thought.

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Many years ago, a co-worker came to our shared office and told me she wanted me (desire) and that she couldn't eat or sleep because she wanted me so bad.  (Yea, sounds like a fantasy.)  I felt overwhelming desire as she talked to me.  I hugged her, a sign of compassion ... and I was trying to hide how much I wanted her. Then we both started trembling. She fought it for about a minute then I felt one of her hands on my crotch exploring the bulge.  Moments later, she zipped down the zipper in my pants.  I offered no resistance.  And thus began an affair.  I still love her.  She can't stand me, long story with regrets.

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My lady and I have been going through a patch of low sexual desire.  Her, more than me.  I can understand that ... I'm not exactly a sexual poster board of male virility.  But, I am a good guy and we do love each other very much.  And, I think I am above average lover in that I want my lady satisfied (coming).

If you look at our history, we had the usual six months of new relationship energy ... and great sex.  Then we went through about a year of lessening desire.  I then convinced her to try some open marriage with her going first.  She had a couple of great sexual encounters that she really enjoyed.  Our sex life heated up again and stayed hot for about a year.  I didn't handle her sexual exploits well, but I have hoped to get another opportunity to prove to myself and to her that my love is pretty much unconditional.  I have also taken classes in ACT (Action Commitment Theory/Therapy) trying to improve myself and I think it worked.  Plus, I have learned to identify my "stories" and the "stories" of others that are different than the actual reality of what just happened. I think I am up to the challenge of her having lovers. 

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Meanwhile, back in reality, our sex life is in the doltrums.  We are down to the couple of times a month routine.  I have just been letting it go, making love when it happens between us and masturbating when it doesn't.  Well,  I am at the once-a-day frustration level.  We met at a restaurant for supper tonight ... she is attending a woman's Daring Greatly meeting tonight.  At the bar there were two young waitresses in tights and one with a low cut blouse displaying her bouncy tits.   My wife was talking about her new book that she just wrote that is being published, I was lusting after the waitresses.  She laughed at me when she noticed where my eyes were going, then went to talking about her book not noticing what was happening in my groin.  

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I'm now home and frustated more than horny.  This book is a big deal for her.  My career is not a big deal to me, its just a job that I do to pay the bills.  So, we are on different pages, different parts of our life.

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 I would so love for her to take a lover to bring some sexual desire to our bed.  But, that is not going to happen ... not that she is not desirable, but her head is completely into her book.  I want to be supportive here ... but, I am so messed up thinking about sex more than normal .. which already was most of the time.  Yes, she would talk to me about it, and she would try, but I think her heart is all about her career at the moment.  And yes, I am going to ride it out, no matter what.  

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Well, my brilliant plan at the moment is to do without until I am so horny that she can't resist the lust that will build up in me.  I know, its not much of a plan.  Its been a whole day since I have done something and I just had three beers, about three vodka's and orange juice's ... screw drivers.  I may have some more.  My idea is that lust will build up so much that I will be insistant when she says not tonight.  I will move next to her and she will notice that my body is at full alert ... days later maybe trembling and in full alert.  

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Well, that is all I got for a plan.  Her birthday is Saturday .. there should be a window there somewhere.

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Comments (4)

  1. RRoe

    Hmm. Modification of plan. I’m not going to shave or have sex until my lady and I make love. I wonder if my beard will be gray. My hair is still blond/light brown. I wonder if my lady will notice how hairy i am or how horny i am first?

    July 21, 2016
  2. RRoe

    First morning of not shaving. 48 hours holding out. Didn’t sleep well, brain would not shut up. Gave my lady a back rub in bed at bedtime, had to reach over one of the dogs. Slept nude from waist down, hint.

    July 21, 2016
  3. RRoe

    I feel like this is my own private corner of the library, where I can whisper secrets and do naughty things, and no one in the main library, just out of sight, knows what is going on.

    July 21, 2016
  4. sofiawhitelegge

    Everybody has desires and people do everything to full fill their desires. And it’s a great thing to follow our dreams and bestessay.org service is the world’s most enhancing websites today. I also have so many desires right now and I wish that I could do everything that i want to do in my life.

    November 11, 2016