Stories: expectations

Most of our happiness does not come from the reality of the moment, but what we think is going to happen in our future.  We tell a story about how life is going to be in our future.  Of course, our story is not accurate and a lot of things can derail our story.  And, once we are living our story, I.e., when the big event comes, we are not really experiencing our event, but we are telling a story in our head about our event...this is nothing like I expected, or this is better than I ever imagined, etc.

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Most of my sexual fantasies, but not all, have been better than the real experience.  Of course, I often make up a story about the event, an exaggeration that if better than the fantasy or the event itself.  Often, my stories about love have underestimated the actual event.  But, sadly, I have often down played love and its impact on me in stories about a given romance and the lover involved. 

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Humans live inside their stories.  We are perhaps the only creatures on this planet that make up stories and then treat them as reality.  And many of us do not realize this is how we function as humans. 

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Comments (9)

  1. funfreak

    One word posts always beg the question……What expectations?

    July 12, 2016
    1. RRoe

      I was editing the post. Please read again, Joann.

      July 12, 2016
  2. GoldenPig2012

    OK. That’s your story. I do tend to find contentment and/or happiness in “the moment” and my story SO does not match what IS in my life. But………….hell, we all do what we do and it took me a couple of decades to reach this point, so……………………..won’t disagree with you, it just isn’t MY story.

    July 12, 2016
    1. RRoe

      And what are you finding happiness in ..in this moment.

      July 12, 2016
  3. funfreak

    By “stories” I think you’re referring to living out our dreams with all the preconceived notions, and perceptions we’ve either conjured or been taught. I think it could probably be best explained in scientific, psychological terms, but at the end of the day, we have a choice to either live in the moment, live an authentic life, or live in a concocted dreamworld, anticipating the responses and behaviors of those around us and reacting in kind. And, truthfully, all of my happiness (and my sadness, too) comes from the reality of the moment. The other stuff almost always disappoints. it’s a happy surprise to actually feel the realness of the love of another…..not what we wished or desired it to feel. I was married to someone who for decades was disappointed in me because I couldn’t fulfill his “dream” to be married to a compliant, submissive, selfless person who would dedicate her life to the pursuit of his career goals and personal happiness. It’s a very one-sided way to be and it almost always excludes the reality of the person you’re with.

    July 12, 2016
    1. RRoe

      Joann, I don’t think there is a reality, it is all just a perception. We collect select information from our environment with our senses then wrap it in a story in our head that we mistakenly call reality. Even being “in the moment” is a story. There is no “truth”, only pieces of truth wrapped in stories in our head … our past, our culture, or past stories, etc. dictate the story that we create.

      July 12, 2016
      1. funfreak

        Uhhhhh…..well, that’s your truth. I’ve learned to let go of a lot of the stuff that gets in the way of having more authentic life experiences. I’ve been very liberal with letting go of the excesses in my life that don’t make me happy, people who need to control everything and everyone in their lives through guilt or fear of loss, the trappings of all the “isms” that dictate how we are perceived and treated, and all the material things that I just don’t need anymore. I’ve got my memories, but I’ve also let go of a lot of the things that are connected to those memories and I listen to the retelling of those memories through the many voices of my family and friends, which adds texture and depth to my own experience of an event. Anyway, I guess what I’m saying is, I want to live my life with a more child-like wonder and joy, without the filter of expectations, rules and fears.

        July 12, 2016
        1. RRoe

          I agree with you, Joann, about living life with wonder and joy, without the filter of expectations, rules and fear. My “truth”, as you called it, is not a deliberate effort on my part to construct stories or expectations in my life experience, but to recognize how humans, how we function as humans. For example, you have chosen a story to capture the parts of your marriage you chose to capture. It would be impossible to capture all of your marriage experience and convey it to me. You have chosen a story to convey to me what you think is most important, most representative of your marriage. Even if we sat together all night and you told me a longer version, it would still be just be a small part of your story. You would probably leave out any details that contradict the story you have chosen to tell me.

          It is this inability to capture the entire essence of anything that necessitates condensing it into a story, both for ourselves and for others. Recognizing that we have this limitation in some ways gives us more power over how we construct our stories and how indirectly we construct our lives and our appreciation of it (or not).
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          As always, it is great to talk to you.

          July 12, 2016
  4. rileygoossens

    Stories and expectations are very important and fascination.the enhanced story for the essay writer and for all observation is done and advanced. Cultivated tinge of the story is done and advanced. It is offered or the vitality of the performed.

    October 17, 2016